Avoid Self-Sabotaging Questions: Part 2

Part 2 in a series of 3 posts


by Brian Berry-Berlinski

Guest Blogger

Life At Choice Certified Coach



Young man with lens


Last week, I blogged about the first part of “3 Ways to Avoid Asking Self-Sabotaging Questions.” If you recall, I encouraged you to challenge yourself to get the heck away from questions that begin with “Why can’t I” and instead make friends with questions that begin with “How do I…” For example:

•  How do I get a job I love?

•  How do I develop a loving relationship with an intimate partner?

•  How do I create wealth and expert financial management?


Since reading the first post, have you been able to re-imagine your dreams and desires as possibilities? If the answer is yes, then congratulations to you! But that’s only the first step. Now, what’s next?


2) Point not outward, but inward


When you’re facing big questions about yourself, who you are, and what you desire in life, look within for the answers. Why? Because that’s where they are. Sounds cliched, and guess what, it’s true!


When you search within for the answers, you practice something called INQUIRY. You may have come across this word before, but I would bet in this context that you’ll see something new about this concept. In this context, inquiry means asking deep and deeper questions until you arrive at the answer. Inquiry is an unconditional request for the answer to be revealed to you.


One caveat, though: inquiry can’t work its magic through you if you are pointing to circumstances or blaming others for the cause of your suffering.


Have you ever pointed to others as the cause of your hurt feelings? When you see something not working the way it’s supposed to be, do you ever assume that the source of the problem is coming from outside yourself? Sure you have, and so have I. If you point outward as the cause of your suffering, then you are not taking responsibility for the way it shows up for you. In this case, you would be robbing yourself of the power to write a new story about yourself. Pointing outward takes you away from having truly empowering beliefs about yourself, and it traps you in a cage of limiting beliefs you have about yourself.


Inquiry, on the other hand, leads you out of the pit of pain and despair by showing you a new path to self-discovery. It’s a choice, and if you choose, follow this path so you can discover something new about yourself. With your discovery, you can then create a new story about YOU and the GREATNESS that you are.


When entering inquiry, do not ask, “Why is this happening to me?” That’s another example of a self-sabotaging question. Instead, ask yourself, “This situation happened. Why do I see it the way I do?” By asking “Why do I see it the way I do?” you are declaring that:


1. You are responsible for how you see the situation the way you do.


2. You are saying, “Show me what I really need to see about myself.”


Inquiry opens you up to the deeper answers that have been hidden from your view – deeper answers that show you how to break out of the same old cycle so you can see something totally new.


Do you engage in inquiry? I would love to hear about your results!

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