Tense and Emotionally Stressed? Now What?

Are you tense and emotionally stressed out? The answer for most of you is likely ‘yes’. Our lives are filled with work, family, children, and all kinds of demands. I know that I have certainly had my fair share of tense and emotionally stressed days. There is a key, however, to making the shift to a more relaxed way of being; a way to unlock the stressful emotional binds we put on ourselves.


The majority of emotional stress comes from what I call “resisting.” When you resist, every detail of your reality – your emotional state – intensifies. Every aspect of your life becomes worse, bigger, and more frightening. As a result, your stress mounts. Tension and stress are very real, visceral feelings within us. To escape the circumstances that you feel suffocating you, which is the source of your stress, I would like to propose a fresh course of action. I believe this idea might just give you a new edge on life, the kind of perspective that will have your life presented to you in a whole new light.


After a great deal of soul-searching, my perspective on life began to change dramatically. It was a slow process; a gradual change that literally saved my life. Let me share some of my journey with you. As silly as it may read, I was shocked at age 35 when I realized that I might have something to do with the way my life was going. I had been so disconnected from the creation aspect of my life. In fact, I had no idea it existed until the moment it came to me like a revelation. I lived each day as it came to me- I was stagnant. I truly saw life as if it were coming at me like a freight train. I would wake up each day with what felt like the weight of the world on my shoulders. My first thoughts were “What do I have to do to make it through today? What problems will I have to solve?” It was as if I had lost all sense of control and power over my own life. It was as if I didn’t have any say-so in how my days went. Tension and stress ruled my life. Why, you ask? Because at that time, I was facing some of the most heartbreaking and gut-wrenching moments of my life. My marriage was once again falling apart. And worse yet, after eight years of financial stability, I was completely broke and jobless with three children depending on me. Yep, you could say I was tense and stressed out. Actually, it drove me to rock bottom. Or at least that’s what I thought at the time. I was still alive, still breathing. But, I was at rock bottom. 


That big hairy question- now what? The voice inside my head suddenly kept repeating like a mantra, ‘Belanie, you are the common denominator in all that you are experiencing.’ Thank God – there is a God – and His voice was loud and clear in that moment. See, that idea had never occurred to me before. Ok, stop laughing. I know it seems silly that a 35 year old woman wouldn’t be aware that she was in control of her life. But, I can honestly say that before that moment, I had felt powerless. As I said before, it was as if my life had been one stream of events that happened to me- I felt like I was a product of my environment instead of the other way around. The moment I head that voice in my mind, reminding me of the power I held, that was the tipping point for my life’s successes. Clearly, I had come to the end of my rope. As I began to dig deeper, I saw that my victim mentality had to come to an end. More importantly, I realized that it could come to an end. I began to see that life wasn’t coming at me after all- it was only my perception. I could make the turn for victory, and redeem myself.


As I progressively became more empowered by this one very important concept, I began to understand the negative effects of what had been the catalog of my limiting beliefs. The belief that life came at me and that I had no control was the most central, and the beginning of my discoveries. The more I explored my own mind, the more answers I uncovered. I began to discover things that set me from myself. My life has been irrevocably changed through this one awakening concept: “Life comes through me, not at me.”




Stress related text arrangement


Life cannot come at me, because life is only the reflection of what has come through me. Life is a reflection of what I have allowed to come through me. This idea is liberating, and empowering for me. Now, I wake up each morning feeling limitless, with my day full of choice and opportunity. Take a moment, and speak those words out loud right now. “LIFE COMES THROUGH  ME, NOT AT ME”. Say it again. “LIFE COMES THROUGH ME, NOT AT ME.” Allowing yourself to absorb this concept will give you the freedom to experience life in an entirely new way, as it begins the process of ownership. Through your sense of ownership, your choices take on an entirely new meaning. More importantly, your life will have an entirely new meaning.

I wish you much joy as you think through this concept. Please let me know what this concept makes you feel. For me, I live life with much, much less less emotional stress. I choose for you the same.



  1. Lisa Brainer on October 23, 2013 at 2:54 pm

    HI Belanie,

    Loved your blog. My question is HOW did you take yourself out of “victim” mode? There had to be a process and I am curious of that. Would love to hear more on that 🙂


    Lisa Brainer

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