Would you like to be able to make a decision and be at peace with it?
I too know what it feels like to be trapped in the mental rat race of indecisiveness.
- If I don’t make the right decision I will suffer!
- I have to make the right decision so I don’t hurt others.
- What happens if I make a mistake?
- I’ve made mistakes before and I am not going to do it again.
- I am so afraid I will make the wrong decision.
- Why can’t I just make a decision and move on?
…and the struggle goes on and on….
Sometimes it feels like you are spinning… but finally you settle on something and you say, “Ok, I’m done I have made my decision.” Then out of nowhere, a million other thoughts come flooding in, and before you know it, you find yourself following that trail of thoughts… soon you are unsure again. This cycle is vicious and very unkind. It is such an exhausting place to be.
So..what’s the answer?
It is one thing to be concerned about the decisions and choices that you make. I appreciate and understand that it is important to weigh your options, consider outcomes, and take others’ needs into account when you are making decisions. However, it’s another thing altogether to agonize over the process.
One of my clients lives in such agony over any level of choice she has to make. This type of effort can only be coming from self doubt. We have all made up things about ourselves which lead us to self doubt.
Here are two techniques that I share with my clients that will help you move beyond the anguish.
Ask yourself this question, “Am I really concerned about what I will have to experience in the outcomes of my decision, or am I more concerned about the fear of judgment by others?” Usually, we fear most what we think it will mean about us if we do it wrong. This fear is often a far greater fear than the fear of the actual consequences from a wrong decision.
Ask yourself this question, “What is the very worst thing that could happen to me if I make the wrong decision?” Getting clear of your perception of the worst thing that could happen is one of the best things you can to do stop the effort in decision making.
When you can be honest with yourself about these two questions and answers, you are on your way to stopping the effort in the process of making decisions. Why? Because in both of these scenarios you are in a state of resistance. The effort and anguish come from the attempt to resist, not from the outcome itself.
The best way to stop the resistance is to be free from the two things that create them: 1) fear of judgment, and 2) your perception of the worst thing that could happen.
I coach my clients to come to a place of willingness… willingness to experience the fear and willingness to experience the outcomes of their decisions. When you reach willingness… then ALL FEAR is gone and you can clearly see what is possible, and decision making becomes effortless.