By Becky Church, Live At Choice Starfisher Coach
Growing up, I was in love with making people happy. I did not want to hurt or offend anyone in any way. I made sure my relationships with everyone were on a good note and I tried to be all they wanted from a friend, family member, or individual.
After years and years of living this way, I realized I was crumbling inside. I was not happy. I was living a lie – one that was not authentic and untrue of who I was. I functioned only as a people pleaser!
It cost me so much joy and self-respect and my relationships with people were very limited. I would be hesitant to speak my thoughts and feelings – even had physical reactions. Oftentimes I’d get all sweaty, I’d experience an inner dialogue of conflict – should I, or should I not speak up. I often condemned myself for my inability to explain things clearly. Additionally, I would dismiss opportunities to speak mainly because I felt others did not want to hear what I had to say.
I believed the reason for trying to make others happy and agree with what they had to say, was because I wanted to be kind to them. I had always told myself it was for them, never once seeing that there might have been something about me that I was actually running from.
You’d see me smiling and accepting what others had to say. All my relationships were one sided. Many friends have felt they were telling me thoughts or stories of themselves while they knew nothing about me. In my friendships I was the stranger.
Though the years it was evident to me there was more than just a desire to please others, there was something else going on inside of me. Then I began to notice that I had grown fearful of speaking up. The more I explored this I could sense I was too embarrassed to share my thoughts.
It has been from the programs offered through Live At Choice that I have finally come to understood why I was not fully engaging in relationships. In fact, it was amazing to me when I could see what was behind my need to withhold myself. Once I could see it, the change in me was automatic. I became the authentic self that I am at the core of my being. I was the one holding the key all along. I just never knew I had the power to unlock the doors to my utmost joy and happiness.
Now, I speak what is true for me. I am engaging and say what I authentically feel. No longer is there hesitation nor inner conflict. I am not overpowered with the indecisions whether I should or shouldn’t speak up. It is wonderful to be free of the physical reactions of sweating and nervousness at the mere thought of speaking my truth. In result, my life has changed! I truly stand out as a precious individual. It is wonderful to feel and see that I actually count in society. Living at peace with my thoughts and feelings is a happier place that I love to be in.